In the garden there are many kinds of flowers.

In the garden there are big and small flowers.

In the garden there are colorful flowers.

You are in His garden.

You are His flower.

You are not alone.

Are you felling lonely?

Do you feel abandoned?

You are not alone my friend.

Swing with the breeze…..

Left….and right…

Open your petal…

Smell the fragrance…..

There are many colors of flowers around you.

Waiting to dance with you.

They are always there in His garden.

Soften your heart once again.

Follow the rhythm of the breeze.

 Being wealthy means having lots of friends.

 Proverbs 19:4 TPT

How we honor the Lord?

Honor Me by trusting in Me in your day of trouble.

Cry aloud to Me, and I will be there to rescue you. 

I was nothing.

I was no body.

I was empty.

Yet Your glory reached out to me.

You let me taste Your glory.

You let me be in Your glory.

Your glory is reflected in me.

I am alive again.

I stand up again.

I am able to lift up my head high.

I can see the bright future.

I am able to love again.

I will continue trusting You Lord in everything.

in my day of troubles too.

In this I honor You.

Psalm 50:15 TPT

I’m gonna catch the wind! 

Where the wind of the Holy Spirit is blowing. 

There will I be.

Take me where You want me to be Lord.

The right time.

The right place.

The right people.

Yes, I’m gonna catch the wind!

Fulfill Your divine destiny.

Bring your Heaven on earth.

I’m gonna catch the wind!

As long as Your breath is in me.

Your wings take me to the unreachable places.

At the end only Your glory shine.

He lies under the lotus trees, 

In a covert of reeds and marsh.

The lotus trees cover Him with their shade.

Indeed the river may rage.

Yet He is not disturbed.

He is confident. 

You are lie under the lotus trees, 

In a covert of reeds and marsh.

The lotus trees cover you with their shade.

Indeed the river may rage.

Yet you are not disturbed.

You are confident.

From the sunrise to the sunset.

You are indeed graceful beauty.

Job 40:21-23 NKJV 

Praises rise to God,

He paid attention to my prayer and answered my cry to Him.

I will forever praise God,

who didn’t close His heart when I prayed.

Never said no when I asked Him for help.

He never once refused to show me His tender love. 

I will pray until I become prayer itself. 

Psalm 66:19-20 TPT

Psalm 109:4 TPT

O God, to You even silence is praise! 

You are the God who answers prayer. 

I praise You, You pull me out of this mess.

I praise You, You don’t let me sink. 

You raised me high.

You helped me soar again.

You let the whole world know:

how much You love me

how much You fond of me

how much You glory shines through me.

You took a tiny spark in me and 

made it recognizable.

God, Your strings are attached in me forever.

O God, I celebrate this party with You.

Psalm 65:1; 69:14 TPT

I would love to tell 3 stories of my amazing trips.

The first one:

 “ The Valley of Butterflies.”

I went to a continent far away….the vehicle that I used stuck in a deep ditched. They tried to pulled and pushed, not moved at all.

I was in the middle of bushes, fields, trees of nowhere.

Then I noticed very quickly small butterflies were everywhere, thousands of white small butterflies flying around us. I looked further more….they were really everywhere in this place I called valley….

I sat on the ground and butterflies flew endlessly. Surrounded us were green trees and grass….the white little butterflies make the contrast so beautiful. I never seen so many butterflies in my life. 

If they are flying above my head I think it was like a halo 😇. 

Ah..! Even in this long period of waiting for help to come….God sent His glory to cheer me up. 

I wonder where this thousands butterflies sleep at night? 🤔

The second one:

“The Village of Fireflies.”

I went toward East to a small paradise island. 

When the sunset, the sky became dark, I ate my dinner. Then sprayed my clothes with mosquito repellent.

I was ready to another night adventure.

The car seemed drove to the end of the island, until we stopped in a village. Dark and no one when we walked through the field of reed. Praise the Lord for no rain during the day, I won’t like it if my shoes stuck in the mud in the dark night…lol.

I keep walking…..

Then from a far I see tiny bright light floating in the air. Breaking the dark night. Like I can see hope in the darkness situation.

My feet waked faster toward the light.

Suddenly I was surrounded with thousands of tiny small yellow light flying.

They were everywhere, they made no sound at all. The light that shined from this tiny creatures  very very lovely.

I think these fireflies were welcoming me and happy that I came. They flew so near to me. I open my hands, they came to my open palms. 

I can’t really see how this creature looks like, they only a tiny fire that dancing in my hands. Dancing in the air.

I think it’s like a fairy 🧚‍♀️😊.

This fireflies like God sent angels to light up our darkest moments and show us the way. Bringing joy and dance back to our life.

I also wonder where they’re at daylight? 🤔

The third one:

“The Kingdom of Turtles.”

I flew to an island in the West then take a car East toward the sea. After that I took a speedboat for couple hours to an island.

There wasn’t any reception of signal in these 6 islands. 

One of them called the sinking island. It’s only surface above the sea at certain time. 

I made it to find the island and enjoyed the sunset there before it sink again.

I took the speedboat after lunch…far to an open sea.

Prepared myself to jump….praise the Lord the wave not to big that day.

I’ve been told, that time are the time where the turtles sleeping. On of us is going to wake the turtle. 

Under the sea is dark, the sunlight penetrates into the water, it help my eyes to see clearly.

WOW…I was so amazed. Deep down on the bed of the sea. I saw thousands of turtles sleeping. They were really enjoying their nap time.

My eyes can’t stop staring…..

Really this is the kingdom of turtles. Things I only saw in the movie now is in front of my eyes.

They are huge turtles not a small one. Giant I can say.

Someone dived to the bottom of the ocean and wake some turtles.

They started to swim up.

Ooo they are really big. We can sit on top of them and swim together. 

One of us tried to swim to get near the turtle and climb on top and pose for a photo.

They seemed to swim very slow in our eyes but when we try to overtake them, actually they are fast, lol. 

Water is their habitat. They are conquering the ocean.

Sometimes in my mind God is too slow to act, I thought I moved faster, quicker and right on time.

The truth is God is always on time, never late, His timing is perfect. He is the conqueror. He is the ultimate king in His kingdom.

The last piece of the puzzle.

I took a secret trip to another town in the mountain after I received a phone called from three ladies. They said they wanted to talk to me privately without Thorn, my ex husband ( at that time he was still my husband ). 

In my mind must be something urgent that this three ladies needed my help, most probably family matters.

I sat in the car, one of the ladies drove for hours to reach the beautiful hotel that they booked for me.

We had a great time, very cozy dinner at the peak of the mountain overview the city below. The lights from small houses far off made it even lovely.

The cold weather I loved it. Everything was perfect.

Then we back at the hotel in our room.

They begin to speak and told me what they’ve been heard and saw during the past three years they are serving and helping in our church.

My whole body becoming colder and numb. I didn’t know should I cry or should not. I wanted to but just can’t. I didn’t know what to say.

What they told me like the last piece of puzzle that make the whole picture of the past twenty four years complete.

The things that I question myself every time, the hint that I saw every where. The conversation that I heard. The words that has been spoken towards me.

The way that I have been treated all these years. 

Suddenly all makes sense. All become one and understandable. 

The tree ladies always company Thorn and his team whenever they travel for mission trip from city to city and island.

They always ask Thorn to take me along as his wife, because he never asked me to go, he always said I have to stay home and take care of the children.

Somehow they felt that God wanted them to intercede for the church, which they fully obey.

And God revealed to them ungodliness. They begin to pray more ask the Holy Spirit to reveal more.

Then they saw things that they never noticed before.

Thorn always took the same young man to every trip and every where he goes even in every day life.

They always sit together in the plane , at the restaurant, in the car, in the same room in the hotel. They also have other young men in every trip.

They saw they are holding hand when sitting at the plane.

They saw their bed room always messy like something “big” has happened the night before.

They way they talk between each other so nice compared they Thorn talks to me cold, harsh, root not even look at my face.

They are unseparable.

They in love with each other.

And they are other young men that Thorn involve with.

That night became a very long night for me to wait sunrise, waiting for the next day. What should I do? 

Why I wrote that this is the last piece of the puzzle?

I would like to tell what I’ve been through.

Of course as a wife of twenty four years until that day, I noticed something was very wrong but either I ignored it, either I just didn’t want to accept it, either I denied it, either I was very stupid and foolish, either I was so in love with him. 

Sometimes love and foolishness is a very thin line.

If I honest, actually from the very beginning of this relationship something seems right but somehow it was kind of weird.

I wanna tell you all in this story, twenty fours years is a lot to tell right?

From the day he proposed to me till we are married only three months. He not even once hold my hands, or kiss me even on my cheeks or forehead. 

We only meet Sunday, he picked me up to church we have lunch and sent home. And…..in the car always a young men his friend which also my friend drove the car.

We never alone just both of us. Never took me anywhere else only when we bought the ring and looked at wedding dresses, as I said always a young man came along.

His excuse was he can’t drive. It’s true at that time later on he can drive very well. So it’s okay and I accepted it.

Btw we didn’t have sex after the wedding. He said he can’t, he did mentioned he didn’t know why. It took a while maybe a month.

Then he planned the honeymoon. We are going overseas, two countries which I never been. So I’m excited.

Two weeks before we went , I found out that his sister, his uncle and his cousin also going with us.

I asked him why? This is our honeymoon. He said they never been to this country and I’m the only one can speak english. 

As usual I fully understand and okay.

But very weird things….. at every hotel we stayed, five of us sleep at the same room. I asked him why? He said we didn’t have much money so we share the room. On the bed I slept one side, Thorn in the middle, his sister on the o the side of the bed. His cousin on extra bed, his uncle on the couch.

Again I understand the situation and okay.

There were times we stay at his other sister house in this country. He has been there few times but first time for me. Everywhere we go, he prefers to stay at home he told me to go with his sisters and relatives. I said this is our honeymoon I would like to go with my husband. I said even though you have been to all the places before but not with me, now is different because you go with your wife. 

He did went but not a happy face.

During those twenty four years not even once we went out just two of us, we never had meal outside together, we never watched movies together, we never went on holidays together, we never minister together…..nothing we have done just two of us as a husband and wife.

We did have sexual relationship, we have two children, Rose and El Prince as you read in my previous stories.

Their age part seven years….you could guess….. 

We really didn’t have sex like other married couple.

At the beginning we slept on the same bed, later on we slept on a separate bed but still in the same room. Later on he slept at different room, still in the same house, his office where he put bed there….for many years until he divorced me. He said I like cold and the room is too cold for him so he moved.

There were times when I was sick in the middle of the night or very early morning. I have to go to the emergency. I knocked at his door, he opened. I said I’m sick I have to go to the hospital, he not even looked at me and closed the door. I went by myself with taxi and went back home alone.

When he was sick and need to see a doctor, I always wanted to go with him, as his wife but he never allowed me. He took his assistant pastor, the young man, his lover. 

Thorn have a big family, most of them live nearby. Many times we have dinner together outside, his mother, his brothers, sisters, in laws. 

Always the young men showing up and staying overnight in a room that connecting with his office.

Thorn said it’s too late to go back by motorcycle, better to sleep in here.

If I asked what do you want to have for lunch? Btw I didn’t cook, not good in cooking but we have servant that cook well, we have a restaurant beside our house and I can order food. He said I don’t know what I want to eat, don’t prepare anything. But later I found out he called the young man what he wants and told him to bring it. 

Every day almost never failed he showed up at our house.

He went to the bank for Thorn, in charge of everything regarding finances and banking. I didn’t know a thing.

When I was pregnant my first child, beside our house was a saloon. I was there to cut my hair, it was a big saloon with glass windows all around so we can see very clearly people outside.

Beside the saloon was my mother in law bakery.

That afternoon I saw Thorn passing by from the bakery to our house, the lady who cut my hair saw it too. 

Then she talked to other ladies who work in there in dialect.

They didn’t know that I grew up speaking that dialect in my house.

This was their conversation:

Hi there was him….he is like a woman, I thought he like men but here his wife pregnant. They all laughed.

This was at the first year of the marriage. 

I should notice right…? Something was very wrong but I didn’t.

Once again either I was love him so much which I did or I was very stupid and foolish.

One day Thorn invited his primary and secondary schools at our house for reunion.

Then when I was inside the powder room, I heard his friends were taking in dialect that I knew. They were wondering how could be possible that he is able to get married and have children, since they knew him at school his movement and behavior was feminine.

I was stunned inside the toilet. I kept in my heart.

Actually many of people who knew him when he was a boy saw something. But how can I didn’t see it at all.

I was praying day and night that God will help my marriage. I love him and supported him at his ministry. I can say actually I was proud to have him as my husband.

I must be blinded and foolish.

When he spoke to me he never looked at my eyes, he spoke, rude, mocked, shouted and angry with me, either I did the right thing, even worse if he think I was wrong.

I became very afraid of him, very very afraid. I can’t make decision, I lose my identity, dignity…..all.

I just became a puppet for him.

Later on after the puzzles put together…. I was very sure that what he wanted for me. Make me so stupid so I won’t know anything he did.

I thank God for this last piece of the puzzle. That made me wake up to the reality.

When I told him all I know, he denied every single things. 

What I want only his honesty, I will accept him as he is.

He is the father of my children and my husband.

I will do my best to understand his situation and his life.

If that’s the life he chooses….okay. Just be honest and don’t deceive me and family and people in the church….and others. 

Come clean….we are going to understand and accept him as he is.

 But sadly….he threw his ultimate anger to me.

I cried buckets.

The puzzle was now complete in front of me.  

( I will continue the story with different title )