Broken heart

I woke up at three am and this thought came to me. “Broken heart.” I sighed…..

Did I ever had broken heart? O yeah….

I was thirteen years old and I already conquered the highest mountain in my region. With a group of climbers we went to conquer the highest mountain in another region.

There were new people that I didn’t know. We made our tents at the foot of the mountain.

We always hiked at night to reach the peak at sunrise. It’s a cold night, smoke came out from our mouth when we speak.

We were greeted by the sweet smell that I never forgotten. It’s mean we almost reach the top. Far in the horizon a light pierce darkness, the dark sky slowly became brighter and brighter, a new dawn, a new day.

Then I can see Edelweiss flowers all over the mountain, flowers that gives such a sweet fragrance. White…small…beautiful. Long lasting flowers.

“Edelweiss, Edelweiss

Every morning you greet me

Small and white, clean and bright

You look happy to meet me….”

( I hummed the song )

At night we had bonfire. I heard they were talking very enthusiasm.

I joined them. I saw a young man was speaking about God. Ho…ho….interesting.

I wasn’t religious, my mom took us ( me and my siblings) to church though. Very seldom a young man have faith in God and on fire.

We get to know each other. And he went to the same church as my mom took me. He spoke about God all the time.

He said he likes me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I was a fighter…. I thought it’s good for me to be with him, he can help me to be a better girl.

We went to church together, we joined bible class together. We went to watch movie once. Then he disappeared…..never came to my house again. Avoided to meet me. No words…no explanation.

He broke my heart.

BUT he messed up with a wrong girl.

Soon I found out he has many girlfriends beside me and from time to time he visited prostitute.

I raged in anger…wait for my vengeance.

I wanted him dead. I arranged something ( I won’t tell in here ) to bring him down and using his parents. He didn’t die that night only ended in hospital.

Four years later I accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior.

Thank God he didn’t die….so I wasn’t a murderer. By the way he didn’t know it was me. I never met him until today.

I was at the second year of college, me and few friends made a gathering for students, once a week we met in the evening for worship and bible study.

Started with only 8 of us until almost 200 young people. My friend was kindly enough to use her house, we all sat on the floor, full house. Her mom provided drink and snacks.

There I met a young men, honest and simple. He came to my house often. We like each other. He asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes.

My mom likes him. I met all his family too. We love each other, we serve the Lord together.

He graduated college and going overseas for further study. Before he went he wrote me a letter.

He wrote, he loves me but he loves God more, he wanted to become a priest, a Catholic priest, which is can’t married. He broke my heart so much.

Many tears for many days, months.

I’ve got permission from my friend to write these stories below.

Ginny went overseas as an exchange student when she met the tallest man at the school. They Skype and talked on the phone regularly. They were good friends. They decided to have long distance relationship. She even help him with money when he lost his job. One day on her business trip she visited him. What a surprised, he divorced and have three children. What broke Ginny heart was he has a girlfriend and never had intention to marry her.

Gwen divorced her husband because he chosen a man over her. She was wounded badly. Only with God helped she is able to continue her life. Her friends from school encouraged her to marry again, start a new life.

They suggested online dating, she hesitated. They were willing to pay for her fee.

She met a man through online. He lives overseas. The conversation was intense, he serious and caring. But somehow he kept avoiding conversation to meet. Then he sent a wrong messaged to her. She found out he has girlfriend that lives with him. That broke her heart so much and also thank God she knew it early.

Glenna is in her late forties. Someone introduced her with a divorced man older than her. He leaves overseas. From one friend to another friend who knew this man. They didn’t approve her relationship. But every time he showed proof his integrity. He came to see her, he treated her the best, payed for everything. One things disturbed her, he always on the phone texting, day and night. One time he was upset after reading his text message and throw his phone. He began to curse that person “she”. His phone keeps ringing. He picked up and shout I’m finished with you, I never loved you, we are friend !!!

It shocked my friend. Later on she looked at his phone, he was chatting romantically with more than five women at the same time. She left him, no turning back. Being deceived was break her heart the most.

Do you ever felt heart broken? Felt the pain inside your heart like a dagger plunge deep in your chest. You tried to pull it but can’t , the pain, the hurt, the sadness stayed. I did.

I ate ice creams to ease the pain, hoping it would cooling down my pain. The pain stayed.

I watched melancholic drama, cried when they cried, hoping when the film finished with a happy ending, so am I. But the sadness remained.

I showed kindness and generosity to others in need, hoping their smile would bring me some comfort. It did not. It brought questions, can I be happy like them?

I met my friends and poured out my pain, hoping they were understand. Seems like they were but only on the surface. Added more hurt because they said you will get over it. I want too but how?

How to get rid of this hurt?

How to take it out and throw it to the deep sea so it won’t swim back to me?

How to remember it and not bring pain?

How to sleep without tears keep flowing down my cheeks?

How to live again?

How to love again?

Broken heart didn’t always the result of the relationship between man and woman. Could be with anyone relationship, parents and children, between in laws, between colleagues, can happen as long as human being is involved.

Could happened at young age too. I knew a respectable woman, long ago we used to work together. She is very intelligent, graduated from a very prestigious university. She told the story of her life.

Demmy was born from a wealthy family. When she was born her parents expecting a baby boy instead of a girl.

When she was toddler they sent her to her grandparents home in a small town. She was back to her parents house when she was twelve years old.

Demmy’s heart was broken, scattered into pieces.

She cried, she screamed, she long for her mother…..her voice was in vain.

She decided to be a child that bring proud to her parents, they will never ever disappointed to have her as their child.

She was very competitive, her brain is above average, very tuft girl. Whatever her mind set a goal surely she will make sure it happened.

She was always above anyone else, she made a company and hired smart men. She determined to have power over them.

She didn’t want to hear what people said, they have to listen to her.

Throwing up her anger was her daily routine.

One time she looked at this powerful man, a man who has authority. He already married but it didn’t stop her. Yes, she had him for sometime but the man didn’t want to marry her, only kept her as his mistress.

She did have other relationship, all ended with a sad ending. She never married until know.

She hid her broken heart by looked strong.

Luke 10:38-42 NKJV

Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at JESUS FEET and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary HAS CHOSEN that GOOD PART, WHICH WILL NOT BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER.”

Psalms 147:3 NKJV

HE HEALS the BROKENHEARTED And BIND UP their WOUNDS.

Psalms 147:3 TPT

HE HEALS the WOUNDS of EVERY SHATTERED HEART.

I’ve found my answer. I gave all my hurt, my pain, all I poured out to God, nothing I hid. I laid it all at His feet.

Yes it was a precious moment. I let Him comfort me. I let Him heals me. I can feel He pull away the dagger in my chest and bind the hole with His love.

I felt warm in my heart, like the blood is starting to pump again. Pieces of my shattered heart mend, I felt life again.

A new heart beat in me.

That moment will not be taken from me, never, forever. It was mine…the moment He touched and healed me.

The memory of those hurt no longer disturb my sleep and my peace.

As simple as that. His Words won’t disappoint.